I have a tendency, when writing essays, to go off on tangents and to use phrases that what I believe help to develop my argument, actually slightly contradict it. I think it has been a major problem of mine during my academic life – I can’t seem to stick to the point. My hair is too short. SEE!

For instance, I sent my tutor a plan of my argument for an essay I was preparing, as I knew that in it somewhere would be a contradiction. Low and behold, there they all were in a black, bold font that she kindly (and brutally) pointed out for me in response to my plea. 

The funny thing is, I do know that they are contradictions – I just can’t seem to help writing them. I write babble as if it sounds good on paper, then it clearly must be right, right? So I use words like ‘furthermore’, ‘thus’ and ‘fundamentally’ which are all great, but don’t quite mask the stupidity of my paragraphs half as well as I would like them to. 

Well, they aren’t stupid paragraphs, as I’m in a Redbrick uni aren’t I? Therefore  am somewhat intelligent (be careful). I guess I am just saying that I still feel stupid, compared to the tutors and hell, even some of the people in my class. I seem to be able to say my answers out loud, but when it comes to writing them down I go all over the place and fail to get to the point. The only place I can do that is here, as I know myself that well therefore I can afford to go off on a tangent as it always comes back to the main topic – me. Yes that does sound quite arrogant, get your own blog if you have a problem. Miow.

I guess the moral of this post is ‘Bethany, go and do some work’ – I do, and I have devised an academic timetable where I am scheduled in for the library every day except Sunday. For religious reasons. Not. The truth is, I go to the library Monday, have uni all day Tuesday, and then Wednesday comes and I decide to work from home. Which means coffee breaks and gossip breaks and blog breaks. I then feel guilty about not going to the gym so that means run breaks and shower breaks (because I get really sweaty when running) and then comfy clothes breaks and then, what do you know, the I-need-to-have-a-nap breaks. It’s exhausting.

I need self discipline! But I think that now, after around 16 years of solid education, I’m kind of drained. I love learning, I really do; I don’t like referencing, or revising for exams – WHICH I have issues with already as the subjectivity of exam grades, especially for a subject like English, is appalling – I just want to…

What the hell do I know what I want? I’m a twenty year old woman for Pete’s sake. Someone chuck me into this meerkat hug, please.



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