Hatred

Sometimes I think I hate my phone, even though it is permanently attached to my god forsaken hand. It’s like my very own guilty pleasure, an addiction if you will. I believe that if I did not own this magnificent bean of technology, I would be much more of a successful person. Why? I hear you ask.

I shall tell you.

1. I will not be able to check Facebook/twitter/Instagram/my hotmail account every 7 minutes, and maybe focus on something worthwhile, like world peace or how to make a homemade stew. Why does it matter so much that I have to check what has gone on in someone’s life in the past 7 minutes, and that someone is probably someone I don’t speak to or even like anymore, or even liked to begin with. So why is that someone even an online friend? I do not know.

2. My phone autocorrects me every time I type the word ‘am’. It literally just did it as I typed this devil word, so I actually typed ‘ammm’ and I DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS IS. Maybe, just maybe, I may have got a little bit over excited and instead of texted ‘yes I am’ once upon a time, I typed ‘yes I ammm’ but this is the only explanation I can think of. That and my phone is the antichrist just out to get me at everything I do.

3. Maybe I will have a better sleeping pattern, instead of spending all night playing on Banana Kong collecting bananas until I dream about bananas.

4. I think I have genuinely damaged both my thumbs, especially my right one. And that’s all down to you, phone.

And finally

5. I have an access in my hands to all the information I could possibly want to know, but I decide to spend my time (and thumb muscles) looking up things such as what Jessica Simpson is doing now, what Beyonce’s baby looks like and how to correctly cut avocados.

In conclusion, after summing up all the facts, I believe there is only one key factor causing this mess. And that factor is myself. If only I would just use my time productively my life could be so amazing, yet here I am panicking about my lack of transferable skills because I do not know how to productively manage my time.

I ammm to blame.

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